Bad Day--Hallmark

As you know, Hallmark Card presentations are usually excellent and to the point,

A Bad day at Hallmark Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........   //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// My tire was thumping. I thought it was flat When I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat.. Sorry!   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~     Heard your wife left you, How upset you must be. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me.     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder... 'What the hell was I thinking?'     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your husband.     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   How could two people as beautiful as you Have such an ugly baby?     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you .... I've changed my mind.  -------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------   I must admit, you brought Religion into my life. I never believed in Hell until I met you.      //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.... That you're not here to ruin it for me.      ####################################################   Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... Would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.   ********************************************************************************   Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad! (Available only inTennessee, Kentucky & West Virginia )   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   Happy birthday! You look great for your age. Almost Lifelike!      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~   When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise...     //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////   We have been friends for a very long time ... let's say we stop?   ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++   Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?    %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%   Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So we're having you put to sleep.   ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))   So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day. Look at the bright side, it's really good pay