Best Fetticcine Alfredo Recipe

The World's Best Fettuccine Alfredo Recipe

Ingredients

10 ounces fettuccini pasta
1/2 cup butter
5 cloves garlic, chopped
1 cup heavy cream
1 egg yolk
2 cups freshly grated Parmesan cheese
2 tablespoons dried parsley

Directions
1. Bring a large pot of lightly salted water to a boil. Add fettucine pasta and cook for 8 to 10 minutes or until al dente; drain.
2. In a large skillet melt the butter and add the chopped garlic. Cook on low for about 5 minutes, stirring often, making sure not to burn the garlic.
3. Pour about a 1/4 cup of the heavy cream into a small bowl. Add the egg yolk and beat together; put aside. Pour the remaining cream into the frying pan. Increase the heat to medium-high. As the cream starts to boil, mix rapidly using a whisk. Slowly add the cream/egg mixture. You do not want the egg to curdle. Continue whisking until well blended.
4. Add 1 cup of the Parmesan cheese and continue to mix the cream. Pour in the remaining Parmesan and the parsley, mix until smooth. Immediately remove from stove. Serve over cooked pasta.
IF YOU SCROLLED PAST THE PHOTO AND ACTUALLY READ THIS RECIPE, THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE YOU ARE GAY.

An ode to Grandma's apron

The principle use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath, but along with that, it served as a holder for removing hot pans from the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even used for cleaning out dirty ears.

From the chicken-coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks, and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven. http://patsyrose224.tripod.com/apron.html

How much evidence do you require -- O is not your friend!

The great circus master P.T. Barnum said famously that there is a sucker born every minute.
Liberal American Jews aren’t born suckers. They become suckers out of their own free will.

http://www.jpost.com/Opinion/Columnists/Article.aspx?id=226372

Read this  ...  It is sure to have some kind of emotional affect on you

---

The Folded Napkin - A Truckers Story  If this doesn't light your fire ... your wood is wet!  I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie. His  placement counselor assured me that he would be a good, reliable busboy.  But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn't sure I wanted one. I wasn't sure how my customers would react to Stevie. He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth facial features and thick-tongued speech of Downs Syndrome. I wasn't worried about most of  my trucker customers because truckers don't generally care who buses tables as long as the meatloaf platter is good and the pies are homemade.   The four-wheeler drivers were the ones who concerned me; the mouthy college   kids traveling to school; the yuppie snobs who secretly polish their   silverware with their napkins for fear of catching some dreaded "truck stop   germ" the pairs of white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think   every truck stop waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people   would be uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first   few weeks.   I shouldn't have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff  wrapped   around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck regulars had   adopted him as their official truck stop mascot.  After that, I really didn't care what the rest of the customers thought of  him. He was like a 21-year-old kid in blue jeans and Nikes, eager to laugh  and eager to please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt  and pepper shaker was exactly in its place, not a bread crumb or coffee  spill was visible when Stevie got done with the table. Our only problem was  persuading him to wait to clean a table until after the customers were  finished. He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one  foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then he  would scurry to the empty table and carefully bus dishes and glasses onto  his cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a practiced flourish of his  rag. If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with added  concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right, and you had to  love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met. Over time, we learned that he lived with his mother, a widow who was disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their Social Security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their social worker, who stopped to check on him every so often, admitted they had fallen between the cracks. Money was tight, and what I paid him was probably the difference between them being able to live together and Stevie being sent to a group home. That's why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the first morning in three years that Stevie missed work. He was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something put in his heart. His social worker said that people with Downs Syndrome often have heart problems at an early age so this wasn't unexpected, and there was a good chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work in a few months. A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word came that he was out of surgery, in recovery, and doing fine. Frannie, the head waitress, let out a war hoop and did a little dance in the aisle when she heard the good news. Marvin Ringers, one of our regular trucker customers, stared at the sight of this 50-year-old grandmother of four doing a victory shimmy beside his table. Frannie blushed, smoothed her apron and shot Marvin a withering look. He grinned. "OK, Frannie, what was that all about?" he asked. "We just got word that Stevie is out of surgery and going to be okay." "I was wondering where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the  surgery about?" Frannie quickly told Marvin and the other two drivers sitting at his booth about Stevie's surgery, then sighed: " Yeah, I'm glad he is going to be OK," she said. "But I don't know how he and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear, they're barely getting by as it is." Marvin nodded thoughtfully, and Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables. Since I hadn't had time to round up a busboy to replace Stevie and really didn't want to replace him, the girls were busing their own tables that day until we decided what to do. After the morning rush, Frannie walked into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny look on her face. "What's up?" I asked. "I didn't get that table where Marvin and his friends were sitting cleared off after they left, and Pete and Tony were sitting there when I got back to clean it off," she said. "This was folded and tucked under a coffee cup" She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters, was printed "Something For Stevie." "Pete asked me what that was all about," she said, "so I told him about  Stevie and his Mom and everything, and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked  at Pete, and they ended up giving me this." She handed me another paper  napkin that had "Something For Stevie" scrawled on its outside.. Two $50  bills were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny  eyes, shook her head and said simply: "truckers." That was three months ago. Today is Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is supposed to be back to work. His placement worker said he's been counting the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn't matter at all that it was a holiday. He called 10 times in the past week, making sure we knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was in jeopardy. I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met them in the parking lot and invited them both to celebrate his day back. Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn't stop grinning as he pushed through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and busing cart were waiting. "Hold up there, Stevie, not so fast," I said. I took him and his mother by their arms. "Work can wait for a minute. To celebrate your coming back, breakfast for you and your mother is on me!" I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of the room. I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following behind as we marched through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in front of the big table. Its surface was covered with coffee cups, saucers and dinner plates, all sitting slightly crooked on dozens of folded paper napkins. "First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this mess," I said. I tried to sound stern. Stevie looked at me, and then at his mother, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had "Something for Stevie" printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills fell onto the table. Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins peeking from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled on it. I turned to his mother. "There's more than $10,000 in cash and checks on that table, all from truckers and trucking companies that heard about your problems. "Happy Thanksgiving." Well, it got real noisy about that time, with everybody hollering and shouting, and there were a few tears, as well. But you know what's funny? While everybody else was busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie, with a big smile on his face, was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table. Best worker I ever hired. At this point, you can bury this inspirational message or forward it fulfilling the need! If you shed a tear, hug yourself, because you are a compassionate person.Plant a seed and watch it grow.

They sent my Census form back!!

In answer to the question, 'Do you have any dependents?',

I put: 'Asylum seekers, illegal immigrants, crack heads, the unemployable, the 'guests' of The Jerry Springer Show , 80,000 people in our 133 penal establishments. half of Mexico , Some of the Congress, most of the Senate, and a Muslim President!'

 

Apparently, this wasn't an acceptable answer.

Look carefully, they're in the same order.

It's just amazing what money can do..........................Also read below the picture. This photo below was

taken at a competition in June 2008 involving 9 women for best makeover. They had every possible

beauty treatment available to them over a period of 12 hours before the contest. Look at the before and after photos.  Conclusion - there are no ugly women only poor women.

The woman 2nd from the left won the contest.
http://mingle2.com/topic/show/302151 

Beer has the same effect.... 

NEW Fresh Face--Golf

Great story….. enjoy

The officer and the champion golfer
On trip to airport, an unlikely pair finds much in common
Lieutenant Barney Murphy says of golfer Rory McIlroy, “He was absolutely a normal guy.’’

Barney Murphy is a 49-year-old Irish-born cop on Cape Cod with a golf game so utterly hopeless that he can’t bring himself to keep score. Rory McIlroy is the new United States Open champion, a 22-year-old Northern Irishman who has captured the hearts and hopes of the entire golfing world.

Beyond their shared heritage, they are an unlikely pair.

Yet, it says a lot about each of them that they had such a grand time on Monday afternoon when Murphy, a decorated lieutenant and canine officer with the Barnstable sheriff’s office, gave McIlroy a police escort from a charity appearance at Willowbend Country Club in Mashpee to Logan Airport for his flight back home.

McIlroy could have ridden in one of the chauffeured cars in back with his father and the US Open trophy, but he chose to ride shotgun with Murphy, even playing with Jaxx, the unimpressed Dutch shepherd police dog lazing in the backseat. As the cruiser motored down Route 3, lights flashing, they talked about life, about home, and about the whims of fate that landed McIlroy at the top of the sporting world.

“He was absolutely a normal guy,’’ Murphy said. “He asked if he could ride in the cruiser. He said he really liked dogs. You know he’s not going to become anything but a normal guy, because he’s so down to earth.’’

Along the way, Murphy had an idea.

He pulled out his iPad, tapped Skype, and called his sister, Joan Dodd, back in Dublin.

“You’ll never guess who I have with me,’’ Murphy said.

“Jaxx?’’ she said, mostly because the camera was trained on the dog.

Murphy spun the tablet and there was Rory McIlroy, a national hero, waving to a shocked fan back home.

“She didn’t know what to say,’’ Murphy laughed yesterday. “She yelled for my nephew, Sean. He came running down and kept talking about how well Rory did Sunday and that he watched every minute.

“Rory said: ‘That’s how I started, as a young boy, playing with my father. Keep it up and maybe one day you’ll be where I am now.’ ’’

The ride was just one of many surprises in the daylong visit by McIlroy. First, organizers of the charity tournament weren’t sure he would fulfill his commitment a day after winning one of golf’s most prestigious prizes, but he did.

Once there, he stayed hours longer than planned, signing autographs for every person in sight.

“He even had his own pen,’’ Murphy said.

When it came time to leave, it was Murphy who had the idea of the escort. He called his boss, who gave his approval. Murphy, who was off-duty at the time, assumed McIlroy would ride in the hired cars with his small entourage. But again, surprise.

“He said he’d never been in a police car before and wondered if it would be OK,’’ Murphy said.

They talked about growing up in Ireland, about rugby, about their fathers and how they helped their sons. The 90 minutes flew by, even when they hit traffic.

“The whole country was screaming and shouting the day before, and there he is, sitting with me in the car,’’ Murphy said. “He was humble and courteous, not one bit of arrogance.’’

Lrt's put another Texan in the white house

A Texan's answer to Welfare. . . (where else but in Texas ).    Put me in charge of food stamps. I'll get rid of Lone Star cards; no    cash for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice    and beans, blocks of cheese and all the powdered milk you can haul away.    If you want steak and frozen pizza, then get a job.    Put me in charge of Medicaid. The first thing I'd do is to get women    Norplant birth control implants or tubal ligation. Then, we'll test recipients    for drugs, alcohol, and nicotine and document all tattoos and piercings.    If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and    piercings, then get a job.       Put me in charge of government housing. Ever live in a military barracks?    You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your "home"    will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions  will be inventoried.    If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.       In addition, you will either present a check stub from a job each week    or you will report to a "government" job.       It may be cleaning the roadways of trash, painting and repairing    public housing, whatever we find for you.       We will sell your 22 inch rims and low profile tires and your blasting    stereo and speakers and put that money toward the common good.       Before you write that I've violated someone's rights, realize that all    of the above are voluntary.       If you want our money, accept our rules.. Before you say that this    would be "demeaning" and ruin their "self esteem," consider that it    wasn't that long ago that taking someone else's money for doing    absolutely nothing was demeaning and lowered self esteem.       If we taxpayers are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we    should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices. The    current system rewards them for continuing to make bad choices.       And finally, while you are on Gov't subsistence, you no longer can    VOTE! Yes that is correct. For you to vote would be a conflict of    interest. You will lose your voting privileges while you are receiving    a Gov't welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

This makes it official

From Forex.com:

We wanted to make you aware of some upcoming changes to FOREX.com’s product offering. As a result of the Dodd-Frank Act enacted by US Congress, a new regulation prohibiting US residents from trading over the counter precious metals, including gold and silver, will go into effect on Friday, July 15, 2011.

In conjunction with this new regulation, FOREX.com must discontinue metals trading for US residents on Friday, July 15, 2011 at the close of trading at 5pm ET. As a result, all open metals positions must be closed by July 15, 2011 at 5pm ET.
"I got the same notice. This is not good. Is shuting down the paper trade the beginning of shutting down the physical trade or is there something unique about Forex that made this happen?"

Elimination of OTC Metals

As for OTC precious metals such as gold or silver, Section 742(a) of the Act prohibits any person [which again includes companies]from entering into, or offering to enter into, a transaction in any commodity with a person that is not an eligible contract participant or an eligible commercial entity, on a leveraged or margined basis. This provision intends to expand the narrow so called “Zelener fix” in the Farm Bill previously ratified by congress in 2008. The Farm Bill empowered the CFTC to pursue anti-fraud actions involving rolling spot transactions and/or other leveraged forex transactions without the need to prove that they are futures contracts. The Dodd-Frank Act now expands this authority to include virtually all retail cash commodity market products that involve leverage or margin – in other words OTC precious metals.

The prohibition of Section 742(a) does not apply, however, if such a transaction results in actual delivery within 28 days, or creates an enforceable obligation to deliver between a seller and a buyer that have the ability to deliver, and accept delivery of, the commodity in connection with their lines of business. This may be problematic as in most spot metals trading virtually all contracts fail to meet these requirements. As a result, although the courts’ interpretation of Section 742(a) is unknown, Section 742(a) is likely to have a significantly negative impact on the OTC cash precious metals industry. Here too, it is essential that those who offer to be a counterparty to OTC metals transactions seek professional help to discuss possible operational and regulatory contingency plans.

Here is a traffic law question.   If you get it wrong you are probably too old to drive.               Traffic Question :     Q:   You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a  "NO PASSING FOR 2 MILES"  sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider.     Do you:   (a) Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles , or     (b) Do you break the law and pass?       Which is the correct choice?        Scroll down...                 A:  Why take unnecessary risks?

 

Eve Laments

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. 'So, how is everything going ?' inquired God.

'It is all so beautiful, God,' she replied. 'The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem..

It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.'

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more 'symmetrically balanced'.

'That's a fair point,' replied God, 'But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away.'

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

' Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation ?'

'Just fantastic,' she replied, 'But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone.'

God thought for a moment and said, 'You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this ? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob ?'

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than the rib story ?

Brothel Parrot

A woman goes to Her local pet shop in search of a pet. 

There she finds a brightly plumed parrot.
"How much for the bird?" she asks.
"Oh, you don?t want that bird," replies the storekeeper. "He used to live in a whorehouse, so he?s got a dirty mouth."
"But he?s so pretty," she gushes.
"I?ll tell you what. Take him home, try him out. 

If it doesn?t work, bring him back."
When it arrives at its new home, the bird looks around and squawks, "New house, new madam."
The woman is disturbed, but ignores it.
Hours later, Her daughters come home from school.
Again the bird looks around and screeches, 

"New house, new madam, new hookers."
The woman is bothered, but ignores it, after all, 

the bird hasn?t actually cursed.
A few hours later, Her husband comes home from work.
Again, after looking around, the bird squawks,
"New house, new madam, new hookers.
Hi, George."

Reminder… infamous Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi quote: “We have to pass the bill so that you can find out what’s in it.”
Yeah, we’re finding out, SanFranNan… and it’s getting uglier and more revolting by the day, as more is being uncovered about the crapolla that’s been crammed into a health care bill that a majority of Americans never wanted or have decided, now that they are learning what garbage is in it, that they want it repealed.
From ABC News, Gold Coin Sellers Angered by New Tax Law – Amendment Slipped Into Health Care Legislation Would Track, Tax Coin and Bullion Transactions:

I often wondered why in all the "global warming studies",  there was never any data presented on the non-human contributors to so-called "carbon devil". If they wanted to establish real credibility they would have included data for example on cows, which have 4 stomachs and a whole lot of per capita flatulence. There are presently over 3 billion cows on the planet--which given weight and food intake is larger than an equivalent human population of 6 billion. And you have bugs oozing CO2, rust and decay, volcanoes of course all serious sources of CO2.. I'll bet if all those "bought and paid for scientists" did a real serious study they would find that man's contribution to climate control was miniscule. Outside of the 545 sources of hot air in Washington, can anyone else identify other significant CO2 "villains"?

PS: We all know that the premise (that it was carbon that had to be demonized for maximum power control & wealth redistribution) was false!!  That is another regurgitation!

Charley Reeses' final column

A very interesting column.. COMPLETELY NEUTRAL Be sure to Read the Poem at the end. Charley Reese's final column for the Orlando Sentinel... He has been a journalist for 49 years. He is retiring and this is HIS LAST COLUMN. Be sure to read the Tax List at the end. This is about as clear and easy to understand as it can be. The article below is completely neutral, neither anti-republican or democrat. Charlie Reese, a retired reporter for the Orlando Sentinel, has hit the nail directly on the head, defining clearly who it is that in the final analysis must assume responsibility for the judgments made that impact each one of us every day. It's a short but good read. Worth the time. Worth remembering! 545 vs. 300,000,000 People -By Charlie Reese Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them. Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits? Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes? You and I don't propose a federal budget. The President does. You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does. You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does. You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does. You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does. One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one President, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country. I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank. I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a President to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes. Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party. What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The President can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it. The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House now? He is the leader of the majority party. He and fellow House members, not the President, can approve any budget they want. If the President vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to. It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist. If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair. If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red. If the Army & Marines are in Iraq and Afghanistan it's because they want them in Iraq and Afghanistan ... If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. There are no insoluble government problems. Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do. Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible. They, and they alone, have the power. They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses. Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees... We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess! Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper. What you do with this article now that you have read it... is up to you. This might be funny if it weren't so true. Be sure to read all the way to the end: Tax his land, Tax his bed, Tax the table, At which he's fed. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule, Teach him taxes Are the rule. Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts anyway! Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat. Tax his ties, Tax his shirt, Tax his work, Tax his dirt. Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think. Tax his cigars, Tax his beers, If he cries Tax his tears. Tax his car, Tax his gas, Find other ways To tax his ass. Tax all he has Then let him know That you won't be done Till he has no dough. When he screams and hollers; Then tax him some more, Tax him till He's good and sore. Then tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax the sod in Which he's laid... Put these words Upon his tomb, 'Taxes drove me to my doom...' When he's gone, Do not relax, Its time to apply The inheritance tax. Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL license Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Excise Taxes Federal Income Tax Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon) Gross Receipts Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Taxes Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Personal Property Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax Service Charge Tax Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax Recreational Vehicle Tax Sales Tax School Tax State Income Tax State Unemployment Tax (SUTA) Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax Telephone Recurring and Nonrecurring Charges Tax Telephone State and Local Tax Telephone Usage Charge Tax Utility Taxes Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom, if agreed, stayed home to raise the kids. What in the heck happened? Can you spell 'politicians?' I hope this goes around THE USA at least 545 times!!! YOU can help it get there!!! GO AHEAD. . . BE AN AMERICAN!!!

President BARACK OBAMA was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York . He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his time as a U.S. Senator and how he had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate. Although President Obama was vague about the details of his plans, he seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about his ideas for helping his "red sisters and brothers." At the conclusion of his speech, the Tribes presented Obama with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name, "Walking Eagle." The proud President Obama accepted the plaque and then departed in his motorcade to a fundraiser, waving to the crowds. A news reporter later asked the group of chiefs how they came to select the new name they had given to the President. They explained that "Walking Eagle" is the name given to a bird so full of shit it can no longer fly.

Jacqueline Marie Evancho "In the arms of an angel"

There once was a pervert named Weiner
Who had a perverted demeanor
Forced from the Hill
For acting like Bill
Now Congress is one weiner leaner

General Petraeus & CURAHEE

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5000003n

Beware--Emotional Content

Prayer revisited

Andy Rooney or perhaps another illuminary or perhaps myself said this: (Only the message matters):

 

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution. Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.

But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue. Yes, and this is the United States of America , a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna?

If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer. If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer. If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit. When in Rome .....

But what about the atheists? Is another argument. What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer!

Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations. Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.

God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well, just sue me. The silent majority has been silent too long. It's time we tell that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority doesn't care what they want. It is time that the majority rules! It's time we tell them, "You don't have to pray; you don't have to say the Pledge of Allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right; but by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back, and we WILL WIN!"

God bless us one and all...Especially those who denounce Him, God bless America , despite all our faults, We are still the greatest nation of all. God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship God. Let's make 2011 the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions. And our military forces come home from all the wars. Keep looking up.

A Methodist preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

      With that, Smokey got in line. When it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Smokey, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

      Smokey replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand in Smokey's ear, placed his other hand on top of Smokey's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Smokey, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Smokey, how is your hearing now?" Smokey answered, "I don't know, man. It ain't 'til next week."

When a male can't stand it anymore !..  Gotta Love it

when a male can't stand it anymore ! Priceless shot...............   (A photographer will die of old age waiting to get another shot like this one.)

Reality Check

Reality Check This guy worked at Republic Steel for 10 years until its closing in 1983. The best line, he says, that he ever heard there was when this young black kid was being reprimanded for the last time. The black youth said to the shop foreman, You're firing me because I'm black! The boss said, No, we hired you because you were black; we're firing you because you're useless!" I hope that we will remember this in November 2012.

A Classic

CHINESE SICK LEAVE - " I NO COME WORK TODAY"

Hung Chow calls into work and says, " Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt. I no come work."

The boss says, " I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........................ You got nice house.

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes; she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

When the forest is a tinder box!!

Gibralter--Not just a ROCK!!

How many times have you seen pictures of the Rock of Gibraltar and not even thought that people lived there, just that it was a geological anomaly that separated Africa from Europe ..

These are a rare and unusual set of pictures as seen from the Atlantic Ocean . Aside from this particular perspective, I don't ever think that there was an intersection quite like the one depicted below.

INCREDIBLE INTERSECTION!!!!! .

Chameleon factoid!

You knew the difference between a drarf and a midget--Did you not?

Best tv ad - Guinness "dancing man"

Senator Marco Rubio's Maiden Floor Speech

Philosphy for growing older

http://www.slideshare.net/stevenhe/philosophy-for-old-age-2969827

Man's best friend can save lives.

It is a little shameful that this asset in the cancer fight is just now being discovered and implemented. We volunteer our $$ so freely and should expect so much more in return. Perhaps each disease has a certain odor footprint which would allow dogs to diagnose the onset of most diseases?

Can Dogs Sniff Out Cancer? - CBS News

www.cbsnews.com

‎60 Minutes on CBS News: Can Dogs Sniff Out Cancer? - Researchers Training Dogs To Smell Cancer

Curt Tetrault Perhaps each disease has a certain odor footprint which would allow dogs to diagnose the onset of most diseases?

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Bhutan- What an interesting place to visit.
This is Takeshang Gompa, Tiger's Nest Monastery

There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys. So the boss met with both teams and said "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job."

Both teams headed right out.
At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve.
Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they were totally exhausted.
The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, "Sven and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!" "Yeah," said Ole, "but you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!"

New Truck

New Truck built by a company
which didn't get bail out $'s.

I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85.
I returned to the dealer yesterday
Because I couldn't get the radio to work The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated. 
'Nelson,' the technician said to the  radio.
The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 
'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' Came from the speakers. 
Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson.

I drove away happy, and for the next few days, Every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs. 
Yesterday, some guy ran a red light And nearly creamed my new truck, But I swerved in time to avoid him. 
I yelled, 'Asshole!' Immediately the radio responded with, 
Ladies and gentlemen,
 The President of the

United States

Damn I love this truck....

95 year old hero! Letter To Obama at White house Sent from 95 year Old Pearl Harbor Survivor !! Fantastic!!  95 year old hero! Letter To Obama at White house Sent from 95 year Old Pearl Harbor Survivor !! Fantastic!!    This venerable and much honored WW II vet is well known in Hawaii for his seventy-plus years of service to patriotic organizations and causes all over the country. A humble man without a political bone in his body, he has never spoken out before about a government official, until now. He dictated this letter  to a friend, signed it and mailed it to the president.   Dear President Obama,                    My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year.  People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert.   I enlisted in the U.S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate.  Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor , allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.   One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man.   So here goes.   I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do, but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.   I can't figure out what country you are the president of. You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like:             " We're no longer a Christian nation"             " America is arrogant" - (Your wife even                 announced to the world," America is mean-                 spirited. " Please tell her to try preaching                 that nonsense to 23 generations of our                 war dead buried all over the globe who                 died for no other reason than to free a                 whole lot of strangers from tyranny and                 hopelessness.) I'd say shame on the both of you, but I don't think you like America, nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do, for the obvious gifts this country has given you.  To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.   After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."   Which ones did you mean? Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British?  Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man, that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War?  I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers, husbands, and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around, because we stand for freedom.   I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination.  You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.   Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man.   Shape up and start acting like an American.  If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue .  You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.   And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts , who was putting up a fight?  You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.   One more thing.  I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life, but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son.  Do your job.  When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him.  But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out.  The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.   You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president.   You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy.  That's not our greatest threat.  Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now. And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle...   Sincerely, Harold B. Estes  Snopes confirms as true: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/haroldestes.asp When a 95 year old hero of the "the Greatest Generation" stands up and speaks out like this, I think we owe it to him to send his words to as many Americans as we can. Please pass it on